Girlfriend got fat after dating
We’re all getting bigger, you know.” I thanked her for the consolation. I do not love my girlfriend in spite of the fact that she’s fat, and I do not love her because she is fat. It’s simply a part of the person I grew to love, the same as her voice or her math skills or the tiny scar on her upper lip where an ice skate split it.What makes our relationship complicated, however, is that I used to be fat and I’m not anymore.Most of my life, I have been overweight and faced a cross-section of cruelties from middle school through adulthood.I especially hated the animalistic epithets: cow, pig, whale. Fat isn’t just bad and ugly, it’s a moral failing — as if being overweight is the result of an absence of higher reasoning leading to poor impulse control.One of the most perceivable changes that one may go through while engaging in such a commitment, however, is the painfully noticeable physical one: the relationship weight gain.We all know a friend — or ten — who gained an apparent amount of weight throughout the duration of a relationship.It's like the people who this ailment plagues gain ten pounds of pure happiness (usually in the midsection).Here are some of the reasons why relationships infamously make lovers plumper than they prefer: Once you've persuaded someone into thinking that you're worth such a large chunk of his or her time that you're the only one with whom the person is allowed to be intimate, congratulations! This means you'll have to impress no one other than this person (in an physically attractive way, at least — you should totally still brush your hair and shower).
This is written in a pretty heteronormative manner, which I apologize for, but the experiences I’m most familiar with are men trying to chase women. I’ve seen so many opening lines, especially on dating sites, along the lines of Here’s the thing. It makes us feel like you’re talking to us JUST for our body. You don’t need to have the username ‘bbwlover2012’, you don’t need to talk in your profile about how you’re looking for a fat girl, or how you define yourself as a chubby chaser*. So we can tend to be a little leery when a guy professes interest. If you’ve managed to stick by rule number one, you might get a question like ‘So you don’t care that I’m fat? Take her out to dinner, to the movies, walk around town. We are not represented in media except as comic relief or the ‘before’ picture in a diet ad. Chances are, there will be days when someone says something vicious and it’s hard for her to shake it off. Living in a fat bodies shapes many experiences for a person, and it’s important to understand and be sensitive to it. If she wants to call herself chunky, or curvy, or voluptuous, let her. And if you’re going to compliment her, don’t do it in a backhanded way. All girls are different, all girls want slightly different things.
This is loosely based on my own experiences as well as the experiences and suggestions of many girls I’ve talked to. You probably think that it’ll make fat girls more likely to contact you first, but honestly it’s hurting your cause more than anything. *(Note, saying things like ‘real women have curves’, ‘only dogs like bones’, ‘skinny girls are gross’ are horrible things to say. It may seem silly to mention, but it actually is important. There’s no special way you need to talk to them, no different procedure, here. Different fat girls have different experiences, but we’ve all experienced a lifetime of discrimination. Be aware that there’s a whole system of oppression working against her, and it’s hard sometimes. Different girls are at different stages of comfort and acceptance of their bodies (and frankly, that goes for all girls of all shapes and sizes! There’s never going to be a one-size-fits-all list, especially when talking about such a large group of people! ) But overall it just comes down to being sensitive, perceptive, and attentive.
It makes you sound like all you care about is our bodies, that’s the most important part to you. You are more than welcome to have your preferences, but putting down other body types or other people’s preferences is NOT okay. ) Understand that some things are a little tougher for us.
Not long ago, my girlfriend and I planned a trip to New Orleans. “There’s a lot of things I’ll never do with you, you know. We’re never going to jump out of a plane together, and I can’t ride a donkey to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.”I’ll take a pass on falling out of the sky like human confetti or riding a fragrant donkey on a hot August day.
The friend we were visiting sent an e-mail reminder to pack our bathing suits because she’d planned a day trip tubing down a river. What does bother me is when my girlfriend feels excluded or like she’s holding us back from an experience because of her weight.“First of all, don’t say never,” I told her. adults are obese, which means there are probably a lot more people whose girlfriends and boyfriends are fat.Here’s another guy who has a similar problem: “I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for about six months, and I am in love with her but starting to be not attracted to her,” says Fred on 7 Ways to Know if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For. I’m concerned about the long term effects of her weight gain.